Guilt, regret, depression. Loving and respecting oneself is the most difficult task anyone and everyone has ever faced in their lifetimes, no matter what the belief is. And those three things are some of the most common forms of self-inflicted pain. It’s difficult to overcome them because you’re ultimately the one who needs to apologize and forgive yourself for whatever it is you’re guilty for, whatever you regret doing or not doing, for whatever you’re overthinking and being depressed about.
I find myself at a low point more often than is probably healthy for my own good. But it’s because I, myself, am not perfect and I often find a reason to feel guilty, to regret, to be depressed. It’s almost like there’s an inherent part of me that practically searches for a reason to feel down in the dumps. It sounds pretty terrible, I know.
It takes a lot to forgive myself for not taking a chance that could’ve changed my life. But really, I did more than I already thought I could and I’m pushing myself too far, expecting too much of myself. I remember thinking in that moment, ‘I’d better do this now because otherwise, I’ll regret it.’ So I did it. But for some reason after the fact, I’d completely forgotten the overwhelming amount of courage it took to do it in the first place, yet my mind still leads me to believe that I could’ve done more when, in fact, I’m just thinking too much and depressing myself.
I keep telling myself, ‘you did it. That’s the most you could do and you did great.’ That’s what I resort to when nothing else could possibly convince me to see the bright side of things. Repeating and repeating, a mantra of positivity, an optimistic outlook. But more often than not, I’m beating myself up about how I could have done more.
I can’t simply brush off the regret I have. It’s taking every ounce of effort in me to not view it as regret, but instead as something I’ll use to push myself to do something next time: to not let a good thing, a good chance, slip away. And that is the challenged faced by everyone every single day.
They say the worst critic you’ll ever meet is yourself.
But the only person who can love and appreciate you more than anyone else in the entire universe is also yourself.