April 29/30, 2018
I know I’m going to go to sleep and everything that happened will feel like nothing but a fond memory and faint, tingly happiness beneath my skin, but that’s okay with me.
There was so much love in the air, I almost suffocated on it. In such good company, I had one of the best nights of my life and it didn’t involve bad decisions, illicit substances, or risqué business, but my heart did race a couple times. In reality though, that could’ve been anything from my serious overdose of caffeine or from my cute almost-co-worker/mentor (long story).
I had much-needed girl talk time with someone whom I consider an older sister I never had, lifting a huge weight off my chest about some of the most personal and painful memories that catalyzed my inner emotional warfare for years, a weight that dissipated simply because she understood the depths of my soul where my story originated without dismissing it as insensitively as others have. My heart lightened knowing I could finally entrust in someone my greatest truth and believe it will be handled delicately.
And I loved that feeling from today. The one with longing but embarrassed, quick glances over the shoulder as he and I headed in opposite directions. The one where my solitude was never cold, filled with jokes among other genuine smiles and words I can’t remember. The mahmilapinatapei…
I feel good about where I am. I feel really good about it. It’s rocky, it’s rough, it takes time, but that’s fine by me because even now, I’m seeing the great rewards that result from it. I’ve gained amazing friends, experiences that will forever warm my heart, and intimate time to discover myself through my work, my superiors, and my family. I feel at home with myself for once.