What Makes Me a Girl of Lights?

A lot, I guess you could say. I engage in the arts to an unhealthy extent. (No, really). I love drawing and designing clothes, taking pictures and video editing, writing songs and stories and music, but if you really want to know what I do and why I do it, let me enlighten you.

I once lived in a very liberal, open, and friendly environment. Then when I moved to a new place, it was like getting caught in a world of animosity and drama where your opinions never mattered. And I was shaken to say the least, me and my nine-year-old self. Yes, I was in elementary school when I first moved. At my old school, you were allowed to love High School Musical and Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. You were allowed to brag about how many shirts you have with Zac Efron and Cole Sprouse’s faces on them. You could show off the birthday cake you had for your tenth birthday that had the biggest Disney stars’ faces all over it.

But when we moved to the new house, I was an outcast.

They called me names that I didn’t know existed until I moved here. I was bullied for years. I learned things I never wanted to know about people. I was scarred for life, never to see the world the same way again; and getting past the horror was seemingly impossible, one of the hardest things for me to do. It took me years.

But looking back on it now, I’d say it was a curse, but is now a blessing.

I was holed up in my room every single day after school when I wasn’t wasting my life away in band practices. I’d spend my free time writing–writing all kinds of poems and stories. I just wanted so badly to create a world I could escape to, a world more livable than this one.

I wrote endless stories of a powerful girl who finds a knight in shining armor and falls in love and lives the life I’d always dreamed of. I gave him a name once, but the name changed so often I figured it’d probably irrational to name him so prematurely. I wrote songs to the nonexistent knight, hoping one day, I’ll be able to sing the songs I wrote to him and he’ll gladly return the adoration. I wrote poems with words of sweetness and depth that I knew would not be taken for granted by this knightly figure.

I didn’t know it then, but those silly things were what got me started in what makes me who I am today.

Going through those times was tough on my own. I had to find new outlets to express myself and get all the emotion out of me that was bottled up inside. The years never failed me. When I turned twelve, I was gifted a jewelry kit and I immediately fell in love with the craft and became obsessed with making jewelry since then. When I was thirteen, I had begun designing outrageous gowns that I knew I would never be able to wear. When I was fifteen, I had sewn my first dress from a pair of old gaucho pants that fit me awkwardly and needed serious re-purposing. That same year, I fell in love with writing music on guitar and piano and, eventually, ukulele. When I was sixteen, I learned to love the art of cooking and baking, and the banana muffins I made were making a killing. Before I turned seventeen, I was introduced to the wonderful world of cinematography and I had also become a freelance photographer later that year after I turned eighteen. Since then, I’ve loved drawing and sketching. I’m getting into beauty makeup, and now, I’m learning face and body paint.

I would spend hours on my own now, just doing things like this, art, making beautiful things and letting all the color that is driven by emotion pour out of me onto whatever canvas I had to hand, whatever form that may be in.

Here, I can be the lights that will guide you to get past whatever is holding you back because, in reality, nothing is holding you back except yourself. Let me be the one to prove to you that, though you hard times may face you now or later, you can get past them. They might even help you grow into something more amazing, something you never would have expected of yourself. I want to inspire others to take on anything they imagine because, contrary to popular belief, nothing is impossible.

And if your heart is in the right place, everything is possible.